I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
