If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
