I am in a vortex of obligation.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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