Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
