I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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