remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
COCAINE IS GR8
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
