Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
