Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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