come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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