My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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