How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
