nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize