i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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