yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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