I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
