Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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