My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
