The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
