2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
