If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
