I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she peed on how many people?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
