dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
