I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
