This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
