so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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