no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
