who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
