I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I want a musical about memes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
