did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
