Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
