Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize