I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
