I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
