i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
