I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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