How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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