after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
