i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
