The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
