mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
