Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
