Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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