Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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