She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
