Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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