There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
soo... how was my night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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