Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
