I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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