And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
