It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
