did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
