Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
