Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm passing your future prison.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
