I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
