P.S. I can't hear my feet
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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