I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
