I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
