I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
