Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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