she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
