But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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