i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
