This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
