is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
