I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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