yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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