Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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