I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
