what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i drank out of a bidet.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
