I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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