im having a threesome with these popsicles
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
