He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
