and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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