"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I need to stop coming to work sober
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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